Nobody Needs To Know
by JuliaKerns5
Summary: [WARNING: slash][RLSB][MWPP era][TWOSHOT] Sirius writes Remus a love letter in his fifth year and doesn't give it to him until graduation on their seventh year. Remus doesn't see him until five years later about the note. Have Sirius' feelings changed?
1. Something Never Meant to Be Sent

_Disclaimer_: Yah, I don't own the plot or the people/characters.

_AN_: THIS IS A TWOSHOT. Please read and review.

"– and that brings up goblin rebellions of the seventeenth century –" Professor Binns droned idly, waving motionlessly at the blackboard on the wall while continuing to drift awkwardly around the classroom, as though pacing.

Sirius could do anything in this class. He could send notes to James and talk conversationally. He could draw absentmindedly on a scrap of parchment. He could even chuck a dungbomb into the middle of the classroom, laughing loudly, and the wizened old teacher wouldn't even notice. If he was extremely bored he could finish his very-long Transfiguration essay to avoid skipping lunch to finish it.

But he was only doing one thing.

While it might seem to a waste of time to other people, Sirius was intently staring over at Remus and taking in every inch of his face and body, as though he was devouring it like he would never see it again.

Remus, of course, was scribbling away notes about Professor Binns' droning, occasionally looking up at their ghost-teacher before dipping his quill into ink again.

When the bell rang, Sirius' eyes slid back into focus and he carelessly shouldered his bag and headed out of the classroom.

"Did any of you catch which goblin brought the century bottomless cauldrons in the fourteenth century? It was something with an 'E' or 'A' I don't remember–"

"Remus," James said warily, stifling a yawn. "Think of who you're asking. _Marauders do not listen during class._"

Remus rolled his eyes before slumping down his black bag at the first seat in the Charms classroom. James, seeing this, rolled his eyes too and took a seat in the back of the class. Peter joined him, but Sirius took a seat right behind Remus. He had a nice view of Remus here, and nobody could accuse him of anything. Staring indolently into space during class could easily be explained away by the boringness of the class.

Which was easily boring enough anyway.

But instead of gazing at the back of Remus' head and studying his hair, he took out a spare parchment and started writing into whatever grazed his mind.

Words formed into a continuing letter as his quill blotted his paper with ink spots as he hastily and mindlessly wrote this, the words coming naturally into his fingers. It seemed as though he was itching to let all of this out as he wrote in hurried blue ink something that resembled a love-letter.

He was probably never going to send this out, but he didn't stop writing. Everything that he had meant to ever say was pouring out in this letter, and of course that was a very important thing to write, even to Sirius.

_2-17-1975_

_Dearest of all universal Moonies,_

_You will probably never see this. I have told myself multiple times that you know me best. You know what my favorite foods are on Christmas dinner. You know exactly what curse I'm going to fire when I want to hex Snape. You know exactly how my brain functions, so the studying notes that you write for me are always so easy to decipher. But it's funny how little you know about me. Well, you don't know this other side of me. Nobody does._

_I'm not even sure if I know this part of me. It's all so confusing, I've never felt this before and I never knew I could. But the world seems so perfect and gracious when this side of me comes out. And this side of me comes out when I'm around you._

_Oh, there I go. I'm being sappy and dramatic when all I really want to do is tell you about this wonderful and yet so horrible feeling inside of me._

_I don't even know if I can describe it. And if I will be able to you probably won't be able to understand it. Then again, I don't know about that. You know me like I've never known you._

_Well, here it goes._

_My heart is absolutely shattered and I don't know how it happened. I probably egg it on daily when I talk to you and laugh with you. But my heart cannot break when it was never whole to start with, now can it?_

_Yes it can. _

_I could live my life with only you. Everyone can just get up and move away. Everything is still the same as long as you are there. But you probably may not feel the same. Let me just tell you that if you know how I feel that my death will not be a day of mourning. _

_And it feels like everyday nobody but you is there anymore. My heart is reunited and then when you leave it breaks again. And having my heart constantly being repaired is something that is causing everlasting damage. Everyday I feel so helpless and desperate that I would do almost anything. Like a child begging for candy or a broke man being offered money. That's how I feel everyday. Except I never get the thing I beg for. It's always taken away from me._

_Do you know what it is? Yes, you probably do. If not, then let me tell you now. I love you, Remus Lupin. Yes, you. Yes, it's true. No, it's not a joke. No, I'm not drunk. And I'll tell you again, I love you, Moony. I love you I love you I love you. And more than you will ever know. Until now, I guess, if you're reading this._

_You are selfless and strong and dedicated. You are determined and caring and so handsome. Honestly. It's all true. But the truth really hurts, you're so tempting. I have absolutely no excuses for never telling you, Moony. I was being so selfish and scared it's almost not funny, it's not me at all. And let me tell you, that nobody ever knew. Nobody needs to know, for me. It's between us, it was my secret and now it is yours too. Simply nobody but us needs to know. But just so you know, let me tell you how much I really do love you._

_I will love you until the sun will set for good._

_I will love you until everyone is gone._

_I will love you no matter how tragic it is._

_I will love you for as many sacrifices I have to make._

_I will love you until the seasons end._

_I will love you until my dying day._

_It doesn't matter what will happen, you're the only one I would ever take a shot on and probably the only person I'll ever really have to beg for. You're the only one that's ever done this to me, you're the only who's ever broken me like this. And if you will never return my feelings, let me just tell you that the bond between you and I will never die. Please just remember those days when we laughed and talked. I will do the same until you one day will respond._

_I've been chicken enough to not tell you that I love you for the past year, so I'm not going to be as chicken to sign this anonymous. No, I'll be blunt, Remus._

_Love,_

_Your dearest and only Sirius Padfoot Black_

He couldn't believe that he had written a _love-letter_. It was sappy and kind of cheap but all of it was true. And one day he'd find the guts to give it to Remus.

OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Two years had passed since Sirius had sat in that Charms classroom, writing that note. And not one day had passed when the back of Sirius' mind told him to give it to Remus.

It hid under his pillow day and night. When everything went wrong Sirius could lie in his bed and grab the letter for support. It seemed the only thing that actually made sense to Sirius. He _still_ loved Remus. It had been three bloody years that Sirius loved Remus. He didn't want anybody to know. Nobody needs to know, to Sirius. And still he couldn't do anything.

Except he _did_.

The day before graduation Sirius slipped the note into his robes and went down the stairs, into the common room, and stared at the situation he had just put himself into.

On graduation, Sirius had a plan. It wasn't complex or sturdy, but Sirius liked it that way. He would simply give the note to Remus today and everything would be over. Yes. Just like that.

All of the holidays-at-Hogwarts Sirius had planned to celebrate with Remus were down the drain. Nothing was left to be celebrate, especially with Remus. In _that_ way.

Graduation was over two hours later. With plenty of tears – most of them from Lily – they had slowly started filing out of the oak doors with the rest of students. But there was a finality for the seventh years. They weren't going back.

They had left the train in one hour.

"You'll write James, r-right?" Lily sobbed, brushing her tears away with her thumb.

"Of course I will, Lily." James said reassuringly. Lily smiled at him, and then turned to Peter.

"Oh, and you too, Peter." She said tearfully, giving him a small hug and then turning to Sirius and Remus. Sirius slipped the letter out of his pocket. The parchment touched Remus' hand.

"Sirius and Remus, you'll write too, right? You'll stay in touch?" She asked, interrupting Sirius' actions and hugging both of them at the same time.

"C'mon, Lily, we're not _dying_." James said irritably, yanking Lily away from the other two boys. Remus laughed slightly.

The five of them all walked in silence toward the barrier. The wizard guard at the barrier was letting in two people at a time not to make anything look suspicious. James took Lily's hand and dragged her through. Sirius yanked Remus to the side. It was now or never. Peter disappeared into the barrier. Damn, his heart was beating fast.

"Remus," Sirius muttered, stopping him shortly and placing two firm hands on his shoulders. His eyes looked in Remus' amber ones stonily. "Take this."

He slipped the faded parchment from his fingers into Remus' hand. Their fingertips brushed together slightly. Remus looked at the parchment confusedly, and then turned to look at him.

"No, not now." Sirius said, and without another word, he kissed Remus on the mouth for two seconds before fleeing, running away from Hogwarts, running away from the train station, and running away from Remus one last time.

_AN_: Okay, what do you think? It's not a oneshot, THIS WILL BE A TWOSHOT. I will _not_ continue after that, it's just a small twoshot. Read and review please! AGAIN, THIS WILL BE A TWOSHOT. IT'S ONLY A TWOSHOT. Love all of you guys:D

Love,

JULIA :D ;O :P


	2. On His Threshold

_Disclaimer_: I do not own Harry Potter.

_AN_: So, thanks for the encouragement in the other chapter. Here is the second half, all ready and _hopefully_ well written. All of you reviewers ROCK. :D I went over this twice with the occasional tweak... I really think it's awful, but it's up to you guys to decide. But see?? I listened to the reviews and updated SOON! But probably because I have nothing to do at home and since I'm on the computer ALL THE BLOODY TIME. Anyway, R&R, you are all LOVELY. Love, -Julia- :D ;O :P

_Five Years Later_

Remus took a deep breath, his hand twitching to the frayed suitcase on the side of his knee. His fingertips brushed the brown luggage. He sighed, shivering at the same time as a cold breeze swept over his scarred face.

Over five years had passed since Sirius had kissed Remus on the train station, and given him that letter. Five years had passed and Remus hadn't done anything at all. The two friends hadn't stayed in touch either. They had not talked since their seventh year. The last communication they had ever had was that one kiss on the station. Five years ago.

Remus rang the bell again, a little impatiently, his feet shifting on the gravel beneath him. There was a thundering of footsteps muffled behind the door and he let out a sigh of relief – _as least he was home_.

The door in front of him creaked open and on the threshold stood Sirius Black. Remus gasped.

Five years had passed and Sirius was still the same. He had the same eager and shiny gray eyes. He had the sleek and perfect curtain of smooth black hair that fell into his eyes elegantly. He had the same figure, fit and muscled. He was still bloody gorgeous – as hot as he had been in Hogwarts. But somehow, his form was taller and much more mature-like. Remus' fingers on the suitcase's handle slipped.

"Moony." Sirius breathed disbelievingly, his lips parted in incredulity, his eyes scanning every part of Remus.

"It's great to see you, Padfoot." Remus said carefully, and felt himself being almost attacked in a hug from Sirius, his face in his neck.

"Oh my god, Moony," He mumbled, his breath hot on his shoulder blade. "It's been five years." Sirius broke away from him, tucking a strand away from his own forehead.

Absolutely speechless, Sirius opened the door wider for Remus to come into.

"What's with the suitcase, Rem?" Sirius asked confusedly as he walked in. "I thought you were living with your parents?"

"My parents are dead," Remus said carefully, trying to sound casual instead of frightened considering the subject of the conversation. "They died last week and I do not own their house legally."

Sirius stared wide-eyed at him. "Moony," He whispered heavily. "Are you _homeless?_"

"For a short amount of time," Remus said calmly. "I just hoped that before I would find a place of my own I could stay here with you."

Sirius' eyes were blank for a moment before he actually managed to smile. "_Of course_, you can live here!"

"And look–" The werewolf started, heaving his suitcase to his side. "I'm sorry for barging in like this, _especially_ since I haven't even talked to you since we graduated–"

"We all stay busy." Sirius brushed off eagerly, dragging his suitcase upstairs for him.

Remus grinned slowly and nodded, following Sirius and unzipping his luggage. With the help of Sirius he was unpacked within the hour and the two of them were in the living room with a butterbeer each. It was darkening rapidly outside as the two of them settled onto the couch.

"So what have you been doing the last few years? You look weary."

"I'm still a werewolf, Sirius," Remus said slowly, readjusting on the couch. "You can't possibly expect me to look any healthier, do you?"

Sirius half-smirked half-smiled. "I guess not." He took another sip of butterbeer and wiped off his mouth with his sleeve.

"So how are you doing?"

"Normal. I've heard from James and Lily but not a word from Wormtail. It's strange, isn't it? We all made pacts to stay friends after school, but still…" Sirius said softly.

"I've really missed you, you know." Remus said gently. Sirius' head shot up and their eyes met in a slight _pang_. Remus smiled a little and Sirius looked away.

"Yeah, you too."

They were silent for a moment, Sirius playing slightly with his butterbeer. "Why did you never bring it up?" He asked slowly.

The smile slid off of Remus' face. "What?" He asked sharply. Sirius looked at him.

"That note."

"What note?" Remus asked quickly.

"Don't be thick," Sirius said impatiently. "The note I gave you in seventh year. Graduation."

Remus looked at Sirius a little impassively. "Nobody needs to know about that."

Sirius looked at him a little disbelievingly. He was almost denying that Sirius had ever given him that note, he was basically shooting him down.

"No, they don't," He said coolly. "But you should. Why didn't you ever say anything?" Sirius had stood up from the couch now, a rather livid something rising in his stomach. Remus had had five years, he had known for five bloody years – and yet here he was denying everything. Sirius' heart crumbled a little.

"Because it's too hard, Sirius!" Remus exploded rather desperately, his eyes already watering. "Why do I think I even came here today?"

"Because your parents are dead and now you are homeless."

"Well, that's not all," He said. "I came here because of that note. Because I had forgotten how lovely you really are, how you had been so selfless and courageous with that note, and how much I really _love you_, Sirius."

Sirius stared at him a little unemotionally. Then he threw his hands up into the air exasperatedly. "Five bloody years, Moony! I've waited five years, and _now_ you tell me! Why not sooner?"

"What, are in love with someone else now? Am I not the _topic-of-the-month_?" Remus asked rather venomously.

"_No!_ Remus, you were more than ever just a topic-of-the-month!" Sirius said. "But we could have been together for _more_ than five years – five years! You never said _anything_!"

"I was never as brave as you!"

"So? You could have called – just mention the note – and I would understand. I didn't write that thing for nothing!"

"I know that! That's why not one day passes when I don't think of every word you've written in that thing! That's why it's in my suitcase _right now_ upstairs! Don't you see, Sirius? It may seem rash and sappy but it's _real_, and I _love_ you – but it's just not that easy to just bring it all up – it's not that simple! The only simple thing is that _I love you!_" Remus said loudly, his eyes blurry with tears. He had stood up, too, by now. He looked at his feet uneasily. "I love you, Padfoot."

The tension in the room was cut slightly, and Sirius stared at Remus doubtfully, both of them breathing heavily. He dropped the butterbeer glass he was holding with nimble fingers. It spilled and smashed in a furious fizz. Sirius walked forward, placing his elegant hands on Remus face and leaning in.

"I love you, Moony."

"I know that, Padfoot."

Their lips connected for the first time, in a blind attraction of love and lust and burning desire and passion. Sparks ignited in both of their mouths as Remus moved his hands into Sirius' smooth hair and Sirius brought his hands onto his waist, massaging his hips slightly.

Both of them groaned deep in each other's throats and pushed each other closer, their tongues fighting a rather desperate battle.

They pulled away, panting, Remus' hands sliding down to Sirius' jaw.

"Wow." Sirius said breathlessly, looking deep into Remus' eyes. He blinked.

Sirius moaned, pulling Remus' lips onto his again, where the previous passion was just as alive this time. More sparks flew from both of their lips as Remus cupped his cheek and twirled his fingers into the fine black locks in Sirius hair.

Remus' hand traveled down to his own pocket, where he slipped a small piece of parchment out of his jacket. The paper touched Sirius' hand as Remus slid the parchment into his palm, where Sirius' sweaty fingers jammed around it.

"What is this?" He asked, his lips still on Remus'. Remus smiled.

"Open it." He encouraged.

Sirius pulled farther away, undoing the many folds in the paper in his hands.

_6-10-1977_

Sirius – 

_Today was graduation, as you see on the date up there. And while I have many regrets in my entire school career, I still regret one the most. _

_Which is probably that I've never told you how I really feel about you._

_I love four important people in the world._

_I love Lily and James, for their great friendship. I love Peter, because while he is clumsy, he is still loyal. But I love one person the most, and that is you._

_But not like James or Lily or Peter. I love you so much that I just want to jump on you and kiss you. But I'll probably never have the guts to send this out. If you're reading this now, then I probably have, though._

_You are wonderful, Sirius, and you should know that from the person who loves you the most._

_Remus_

Sirius laughed as he reached the end of the letter.

"See, Sirius?" Remus mumbled, a brilliant grin on his enlightened face. His pale hand caressed Sirius' cheek lightly. "I love you." Their foreheads rested against each other's.

Sirius looked at Remus' amber eyes – golden from the dim light – and slipped the paper into his jeans pocket carefully, his eyes still on Remus.

"C'mere." Sirius growled, pulling Remus closer to him and kissing him soundlessly on the lips again, and again and again and again.


End file.
